One of the most difficult things we face as parents is when our kids just don’t seem to listen to us. Back in May, I put together 10 tips and shared them on Facebook. With summer behind us, it seems like a good time to put all these together in one place to come back to when our kids are getting tired, when we are rushing to get out the door, and when we generally just want to be reminded of other ways to connect with our children.
So here we go!
1. Show, not tell
Here’s one from me that was inspired by a photography video I was watching. Their tip was to move your feet – don’t rely on your zoom lens; get up and move around to get a better photograph. I see the same with kids. Rather than just giving instructions, get up and show your child. It may take more effort initially, but your child will pick things up quickly.
2. Say one word
I love this one. Instead of nagging them, we can just use one word and they can work out the rest. Great for kids that don’t like to be told what to do.
It’s also brilliant modelling for your children. My son once said to me, “laces”. I looked down and I was indeed standing on his shoelace which he was trying to tie. A nice way for him to tell me instead of rolling his eyes at me and saying, “Muuuum you’re standing on my shoe lace. How am I supposed to get ready?!”
3. Write a note (even if they don’t read yet)
This tip (and #2) are from the book that changed the way I parent, “How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” by Faber & Mazlich (click here for a summary of the book). You don’t need to cover your house in notes, but if you have a contentious issue and you find yourself nagging or saying no about it a lot, then try a note.
I’ve seen people put one on the table which says “No climbing”; in a hallway where neighbours complain about kids running, saying “Use tiptoes”; or on a glass cupboard and the note says “Fragile – touch gently.”
I also use this tip to help kids feel heard. If they are having a hard time leaving class, I ask if they’d like me to write a note to remind them for next time. Then I’ll write a note, eg, “playdough” and give it to the to take home. Writing it down that shows I’ve heard and it has been acknowledged. Anyone tried this?